Fuck Cleanses

​Cleanses are bullshit. There I said it. I’m not the only nutritionist who thinks this either. Now, pump your fucking brakes.  What I didn’t not just say is, “You can drink all the soda and eat all fast food you want.” You still need eat real God damn food. ​

411 On Cleanses

When someone uses the word 'cleanse' they are typically trying to sell you something. Fo reals y'all, that the whole purpose of the cleanse; to sell you some shit you don't need (a product). Whether it be a (insert valley girl accent) 3-week program with email coaching and cleansing recipes, herbs and vitamins, or actual prepackaged juice. What if I was to tell you that your body is working right now to 'cleanse' itself?  Dude, you have this amazing organ called a liver, oh and your skin…it helps cleanse too. Think sweat. Cleanses require you to take herbs and then juice for days starving your body. No. Just stop. Your body needs fuel; most importantly protein and fat. YES, YOUR BODY NEEDS FAT! Should you probably lay off sugar, processed foods, dairy and wheat? Sure. 

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Riddle Me This...

​Why do people do cleanses? Because people think that they need help cleaning out 'toxins' in their body so they can reach their optimal health. What are the exact toxins we removing from our bodies? Heavy metals, pesticides, and herbicides. Okay. Wouldn’t it be a better long-term goal just to remove the source of toxins in our body? Why is it okay to rationalize starving yourself for a couple of days? You can obtain 'optimal' (that word is teetering on douchie and it’s close to being toss out on its ass) health by just eating real food and working up a sweat. Maybe instead of cleansing you should question the quality of the food you are putting into your body. Seriously people, what the fuck are you cleansing from? Ask yourself that and then fucking remove it from your diet. Boom. Your body can heal itself, trust me. If you feed your body nutrient dense foods you don’t need God damn cleanses.

I’ve been there. I bought the $2000 juicer and only drank juice for days. Which was dumb a move.  My blood sugar would come crashing around mid-day and I was a raging bitch. Feel free to ask Jon and Macole. That’s the problem with juicing. You are removing all the fiber that helps to slowly release sugars in your bloodstream. It also deserves to be repeated again, your body needs protein and fat. Guess what you’re not getting when you cleanse?  You better have said protein and fat.

The health industry has turned into a multi-billion dollar enterprise and its buyer beware. I’ve become more cynical of my industry as I’ve aged. Obviously, if you read this rant. I see all these diets out there and think to myself; that is an unsustainable way of eating. There is a lot of stuff out there that is backed by some science*. We all have a choice. We can buy into the latest and greatest health craze or we can call horseshit. I’m calling horseshit. We only have a short time on this earth and I plan on taking full advantage of that time. For me, it’s about moderation. I'm going to eat my cake and fucking love it! 

And don’t fucking starve yourself.

*Check to see who funded the study and then make an educated decision to believe or not believe the findings. 

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